Lovely Spa Day

Fat Chick, 11 November 2009, 3 comments
Categories: Psychology of a Fat Chick
Tags: ,

I told you last week about my massage.  What I didn’t tell you about what how crappy I felt for two days afterwards.  Not crappy because my massage was bad.  No, the massage ROCKED.  But, crappy because my body is so messed up right now that I hurt.  Seriously, I’m kind of wondering if part of my emotional/weight-loss/psychological issues lately are because my body is rebelling against me.

Last week during the massage my therapist paused at one point and asked me (in all seriousness) if I had any feeling in my left arm and hand.  You think I’m joking but I’m not.  That’s seriously how jacked up my body is right now.

Unfortunately, what follows a massage when you’re that messed up is a flood of toxins through your body and intense pain.  I literally woke up in the middle of the night and popped ibuprofin because the dose before had worn off.

I don’t wake up in the middle of the night.

So, by Friday I felt a lot better.  Not perfect but better.

Well, today I started feeling locked up again.  And, truthfully I really need to stay on top of this so I don’t get as bad as I was (or rather finish getting better so I can maintain).

Now, a disclaimer:  I’m not saying that my lack of massages is the cause of my weight loss struggles the past few weeks.  But, I really am starting to think that the stress I’ve been carrying in my neck and shoulders which has spread to my lower back and even lower to the point that my hips, legs, and calfs ache is making things worse.

So, today as I was stretching and rubbing my shoulders and wondered outloud (aka on facebook) whether it was too soon to book another massage appointment.  I got a consensus that it’s definitely not too soon so I checked my calendar and got frustrated because I couldn’t find the time this week.

So,  you want to hear something pretty darn amazing?

Well, I had an appointment with a client this afternoon.  A client who happens to own a salon/spa.  I client who just happened to be cutting and coloring my hair today.  A client who just happened to be running late when I arrived.  A client who just happened to bring in a new massage therapist recently who just happens to be giving free 10 minute massages to clients who are waiting so she can get her name out.

So, I got a free 10 minute massage.

Only part way through it (not sure how far into it we were but I do know it wasn’t too long after she exclaimed OMG you’re shoulders are tight) I told her to stop and go ask my client how late she was running and if we could work it so I could stay on her table for a while.  She came back with good/bad news.  The bad news was that my client had a scheduling issue and wanted to reschedule me for ONE HOUR later.  Which means the good news is that I got a 60 minute massage.

Today I am THANKFUL for massages.

I need to figure through this a little bit, but I’m thinking I need to refocus myself physically to get myself back on track with this journey.  I think I’ve gotten my focus messed up.  I’ve been focusing so much on what the SCALE says that it’s added a level of stress to this journey.  This is NOT a weight loss journey.

Yes, you read that right I AM NOT ON A WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY.

Nope, this isn’t a weight loss blog.

This is a journey.  Part of this journey is me losing the title “FAT” that I’ve been carrying around for so long.  But, the only way I can truly and PERMANENTLY lose that dreaded title is if I make PERMANENT changes.

And right now I’m dieting.  It’s a mindset and it’s screwing with my brain.

Plus it’s adding stress.

Plus, I’m just stressed.  I need to refocus.

I need a new chair at work.

I need to reorganize.  Yes, I’m an organization junkie.  I need to be organized to stay focused.  And right now I’m stressed, and unorganized which leads to more stress and unorganization.

Plus, I am constantly feeling stressed and like I’m a mile behind where I should be.

Is it bad that I feel like I need to take a break from this journey?  I’m not talking a long break.  I’m talking a weekend or a few days break to do some inner evaluation.

But, (and here’s where my issues are revealed) I feel lost in how to do this.  Isn’t that sad.  When I’m working with a protege for my mentorship stuff I have a plan.  I give them assignments and homework to gradually work their way through evaluating where they are and to get a finished product that they need.

I WANT SOMEONE TO GIVE ME HOMEWORK.  I need a form or questions or a book or someone to talk to or something that will fix this.  I’m a fixer, I need to know how to fix this.  I need a recipe or a plan or a plan of action to get through this.

So, there you have it.

I don’t really know what I’m going to do.  I just know that I need to do something — I need to make some changes.  I need to figure some things out.

Because, to be honest with you, the way I’ve been going right now I’m on a path to destruction.  Honestly, I’m getting a little scared about how messed up I’m feeling right now both physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and all those other “ally”s.


And The Chick's Think

3 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Christine
    12 November 2009, 10:04 AM

    Woohoo for an one hour long impromptu massage!

    I think we all hit places where we realize the scale number is just a number and we need to refocus and destress. The journey to health and happiness and being comfortable in our own skin (“losing the title Fat”) is not always tied directly to weight loss itself.

    I like to try redirecting my focus, when the scale related tunnel vision is becoming negative, to things like fitness or intake goals. Or even sometimes it’s just as simple as “get more sunshine this week”.

    I think reading a book is also a great idea. Have you read “3 Fat Chicks on a Diet” or “The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl”?

    Taking a break isn’t bad at all. Pausing to evaluate your status (all the ally’s included) –recharging, re-evaluating, and renewing your goals is a good thing. And a healthy part of the continueing process.

    Have a nice breather and then get back on it full steam ahead! The important thing is you are making healthy changes at your own pace and that you see them as permanent and positive changes! This is for you, not anyone else, and when you look back at your journey you will see the process and the progress adds up to invaluable changes and speed isn’t something that matters all that much.
    .-= Christine´s last blog ..A Week of Thanks, Day 1 =-.

  2. Erin
    12 November 2009, 11:51 AM

    I think I might be the only person out there that hates massages. I’m sorry your feeling crappy, but happy that you got a free massage out of the deal.

    You can beat your “ally”s! Try a new food, recipe or exercise. Change it up. I am horrible at doing homework, so by no means should I be assigning any. So what if you want to take a break? The last three weeks have basically been a break for me, mostly because I have been lazy. I think the breaks make you realize what you want and how to do it. It will come to you, promise!
    .-= Erin´s last blog ..The Dreaded Butternut Squash =-.

  3. christy in seattle
    15 November 2009, 10:52 AM

    Yay for massages!!! I have a lot of back troubles due to scoliosis. Especially since being on this diet, I’ve had to make sure to take extra good care of my muscles. I’d like to offer you some advice, which of course you are free to take or ignore.

    Add a few chiropractic sessions to your massage schedule. My insurance covers these sessions, hopefully yours will, too! Look for a chiropractor who specializes in treating athletes — if you find one who is also a conditioning coach, even better. These chiropractors, in my many years of experience, are far better at getting to the core of a problem. Less annoying claims that chiropractic can cure cancer, more focus on the body as a mechanical system, which it is. You can also get some personalized tips for strengthening your back. Many “back machines” in gyms are actually horrible for your back. Sometimes, the pain and stress you feel in your neck really happens because the muscles in-between your shoulder blades are too weak.

    Muscle soaks really do help. There’s a great one I get from my grocery which has sulfur and magnesium is great, but epsom salts in a warm bath will help as well.

    Take extra magnesium … like 500-750 milligrams before bed. It is a natural muscle relaxer. Potassium is also key for proper muscle function. You may seem some relief from muscle pain by supplementing with potassium, as well. As a bonus, potassium also regulates the bodies water balance. If you’ve upped your water intake and exercise, it’s possible your electrolyte balance is a little bit off.

    I started drinking one liter per day of either SmartWater or water with Nuun tablets in it. It really helps me a lot! One advantage the Nuun has over SmartWater is less wasted packing.

    Anyway, I hope that some of these suggestions help. Muscle tension is just the worst!
    .-= christy in seattle´s last blog ..Quick Diet Update =-.

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