The Good
So, the good is that I know why the scale is going to show a crappy number tomorrow. Why is that good? The last two months the scale has given me annoying crappy numbers and I honestly couldn’t tell you why. Tomorrow I know why. So, that’s good. Sucks, but good.
The Bad
The bad news, obviously is that the scale is going to give me a crappy number. Or, more accurately, I’ve made choices that will result in me seeing a crappy number on the scale tomorrow.
The Ugly
The ugly truth is that I had a week from HELL. Tuesday was so good, until I went for my massage. Then I hurt like hell and was in so much pain that I chose to eat something comforting. Then I had so much work to do that I was working insane hours last week and by the time I got home I didn’t have anything left in me to plan food and grocery shop. So, I ate crap.
Thursday I attended a party and ate crap. I could have eaten worse, but I ate crap.
Friday I had an all day online conference that I attended. Only because I didn’t plan my food all week I didn’t have anything to eat. And I forgot to have my assistant buy me something before she left. So, I didn’t eat. Then by dinner I was starving so I went out. And ate crap.
Saturday I was at a wrestling match all day and didn’t realize I’d be there all day so I didn’t bring anything to eat. So when I left and stopped at Target to pick up some things I picked up some chips. And ate them. Then I picked up pizza for some friends. And ate some. More than some, really. And the kids shared some candy from their buckets. All three kids shared some candy. And I ate it. And brought some home.
And Sunday I felt like crap. For a lot of reasons. I felt like crap for what I ate. I felt crap because of a choice I made the resulted in me getting news that I didn’t want to get. So, I ate crap. Chips. Dip. Chocolate. Tootsie Rolls. Then to finish out my day in a well rounded way I had a cheeseburger and french fries.
And that news I told you about? Well, let me tell you what I kept telling myself yesterday: “Some times you make choices that you know you shouldn’t make that result in information you hoped you wouldn’t get that rip open wounds that had finally scabbed leaving you raw and aching”. That was me. Yesterday I hid under my covers and shoved food in my face and did everything I could to not burst in to tears.
I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up. I started to question the point of this journey.
I have to admit I’m not quite to a place where I’ve convinced myself that I’m ready to proceed on this journey. But, I’m not going to sabotage myself anymore. I did enough of that this weekend.
So, I crawled out of bed this morning. My shoulders have a ton of weight on them. I feel like crap. But, I finished my menu for the week. I grocery shopped. I cooked this evening. I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. So…
The Good
I’ll get up tomorrow. I’ll get on that scale. I’ll face the music. I am not allowing myself a free pass tomorrow.
It is what it is.
And now, I’m so proud of myself. I made two new things for dinner. I made Spicy Pasta which had red chard (which I’ve never eaten before) and I made beets (which I’ve never cooked myself and have never had fresh). So, I’m proud of myself. I stepped out of my comfort zone. And, here I want to share a picture of my dinner. Because it was good.
10 November 2009, 1:55 AM
I had a feeling something was up. Hadn’t heard from you in a few days. But look, life happens. The important part is not giving up. Now allow all of us to remind you of how good you felt the week before, all weepy trying to buy a pair of jeans that fit appropriately! In the grand scheme of things, one week is a drop in the bucket.
So, I’m proud of you for recommitting and let’s kick this week’s ass.
Sue´s last blog ..downwind
10 November 2009, 2:02 PM
I meant to comment on this post just now. Don’t ask me how the comment ended up on a totally different one . . . . ::confused::
Christine´s last blog ..Tuesday Weigh-ins