as I’m writing this. Real tears. Not the “I’m kind of sad” tears or the “I’m mad” tear. The real I’ve been hurt to the core tears.
I’ve said before that my family isn’t the most supportive of my weight loss journey. I’ve said that I haven’t made a big deal about my journey with them because I didn’t want to hear their “help” or advice or have them judging me for what I am or am not eating or doing. I just don’t need it right now. I’m getting support from some friends. I’m getting lots of support from you guys. (I can’t tell you how much the comments and support I get here helps me!) I don’t expect to get it from my family so I’m not looking for it there.
Yet, I still allow them to hurt me through their ignorance.
First let me say my family is great, I do love them all but they just are not capable of supporting me in many areas of my life and I’ve accepted that (for the most part). Tonight, however, I realized that I haven’t so much. I know I shouldn’t take their comments so personally but I do.
I work with my brother, we share an office and are around each other a lot. I’ve been very diligent in logging my food, I’ve been exercising more (which brings me to his house sometimes), and what I’ve been eating has been different. I know they’ve noticed, it’s obvious, I just haven’t brought it up.
Well, they are leaving tomorrow for another vacation so I took my niece and youngest nephew out for dinner and to the mall so they could play (really to spend time with them). On our way home my nephew asked to go to the ice cream shop. I kind of felt like some frozen yogurt so I thought we’d see if their parents (my brother and his wife) wanted to go with us.
Here’s where the comment that hurt me deeply came.
Yesterday I rode my bike to the office. I didn’t make a big deal out of it but everyone there saw me pull up and he asked at one point where my car was (duh, the two wheels downstairs that you helped me fix the brakes on). You’ll also remember that I had a problem not reaching my calories yesterday and went to get some frozen yogurt that I didn’t really want but needed. Well, I can’t remember how the conversation started but at one point tonight I said “last night I got some peanut butter delight frozen yogurt that was yummy”.
My brother’s response: “What’s the point of riding your bike if you’re just going to eat ice cream — you’ll never lose any weight that way.”
I replied that I hadn’t reached the minimum amount of calories I need in a day so I kind of had to eat some ice cream.
He replied: “That’s a load of crap!”.
The conversation continued for a short time and I kind of snapped.
Bottom line, it hurt. A lot. I’ve researched losing weight. I’ve talked with health people I trust about my weight loss. I had one doctor that I don’t trust tell me to have my calories at 1,200, that amount didn’t work for me. I wasn’t losing weight — at times I was even putting some on (hell, last year I gained 5 pounds over a period of three weeks when I was consistently eating around 1,200 calories a day). I talked with my old doctor that I trust completely and she recommended a higher calorie amount. I researched both and, bottom line, I’m losing at a very healthy (and awesome) rate when I use the higher range. I don’t hit it perfectly every day but I’m usually close.
But, still, his comment hurt me.
And, it’s not just that comment. Here’s something I posted on my facebook page the day I rode 7.7 miles:
Bought a bike yesterday – used it today. Took my brother’s kids on a 3.5 mile bike ride (with a stop for ice cream in the middle) then my sister’s son on a 4.2 mile bike ride ending with ice cream.
Here is one of the comments I received:
Can’t burn any calories that way
There were others but, of course, that one stood out to me (still and I got the comment nine days ago).
What the heck was up with that comment? It, too, hurt. That person didn’t even bother to find out how many calories I took in that day (1,424) or how many I burned that day (about 391) or even cared to consider how many calories I needed to take in that day (about 1,500) or if I even was eating enough to sustain myself (which I hadn’t). Yet, they felt it was OK to judge me and imply that my ice cream was going to hurt me.
Guess what people, I’m FAT. I know that. I’ve accepted that. But, I’m trying HARD to change that. It’s freaking HARD. It SUCKS. I don’t need you judging me. I don’t need you telling me how to do it. I don’t need you giving me advice when you DON’T EVEN HAVE THE FACTS.
Yes, I’m mad right now. I’m hurt. I’m pissed off. I’m upset. For the first time in weeks I want to go find a great big huge chocolate bar and eat it plus the one next to it and maybe a full-fat, high calorie yummy MilkyWay from my favorite coffee stand — iced or hot or one of each. But, I’m not going to. I’m not going to let your IGNORANCE and JUDGEMENT and STUPIDITY ruin my success.
I have lost 13.8 pounds in the past 53 days — that’s an average of 1.8 pounds per week. That’s a SUPER HEALTHY weight loss. I’ve done that without your help or guidance or ignorance trying to tell me what to do and how to do it.
But, still I’m upset and hurt by the comments of these people.
I need a pick me up, my friends.
So, Healthy You Challenge check-in — I’m down 4 pounds since last week. (OK, that kind of put a smile on my face 
.)
Tuesday Calories: 1,676. (But, I’m not 100% sure on that — I had fajitas for dinner and the calorie thing tells me how much they are supposed to be, but I don’t know if that includes the sour cream and guacamole and cheese and tortillas or not. I ate two of the tortillas but almost none of the cheese, sour cream, and guacamole so I might be higher if they don’t count that or lower if the do. Honestly, I’m not going to worry about it.)
21 July 2009, 9:58 PM
Those people are just resentful because they’re not taking care of themselves like you are. I remember being like that (not to that degree!) – I used to hate it when I’d go out to eat with friends and one would get something “healthy” because they were watching what they ate. At that time, to me it called attention to the fact that I was fat and was eating crap anyway.
You know that you’re doing the right thing. You know that it’s working. And if you never ate ice cream again, you’d be miserable. I know it sucks to not have the support of your family, but take comfort in the fact that you are changing for the better.:)
GREAT job on the loss! I’ve been in a bit of a slump this week and didn’t lose much, but oh well! YOU ROCK!
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22 July 2009, 7:13 AM
*hugs* i’m so very sorry. its a horrible misconception that the less you eat the less you’ll weigh. weight loss isn’t as easy as that – or everyone would be thin!
I agree with Amy, when people around you see you making changes for the better, it makes them feel uncomfortable because it sheds light on where they are lacking.
You’re doing wonderfully! And doesn’t he know that ice cream is a dairy??
22 July 2009, 7:52 AM
Easier to say than do but try to not let them get to you. Like Amy’s says, they are uncomfortable with your change because they are staying the same – some folks just can’t handle change of any kind, and you changing your life to a healthy one is a fantastic change.
I’d be proud of those pounds you’ve lost so far – you are doing a fantastic job!!
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