Today I’m sort of feeling like one. I feel like a loser, and I want to be a big weight loser but not a quiter/loser. I had another day I’m not so proud of on my eating. Once again I’m feeling stuffed. I felt more in control today, though.
I went to a BBQ at some friends. I brought a cabbage salad because I knew others were bring a potato and pasta salad. I ate a small scoop of the potato and a small scoup of the pasta salad and they were GOOD. I had a very large scoop of the cabbage salad and it was yummy. I had a delicious piece of BBQ chicken. When they brought out the appetizers I had two crackers with small spread of cream cheese with raspberry chipotle sauce on them. That’s one of my all time favorite appetizers and two were very satisfying. I had a few pepper strips, cucumber, and carrots, I was really hungry and didn’t feel at all quilty eating those.
The BBQ chicken brought back very fond memories of my Grandpa. He made the BEST BBQ chicken and I don’t think I’ve had anything close to his since he passed away. I probably shouldn’t have eaten the second piece of chicken that my friend put on my plate. I shouldn’t have eaten it because I wasn’t hungry. But, I did because it tasted so good and because it really made me feel good because of the memories — a VERY bad reason to eat something. But, all in all, it wasn’t the worst food decision.
Plus, when they brought out dessert I didn’t take any. Not because I was denying myself but because I truly didn’t want any. It was strawberry cheesecake which I’ll eat but don’t particularly like. Used to be I would have eaten it because I was afraid I’d hurt the feelings of the person who made it. Today I didn’t care. Well, it’s not that I didn’t care, I didn’t tell her it was gross and I wasn’t going to eat it. I just didn’t take a plate. I didn’t want any. I just said “no, thank you”.
So, talking writing through this really helped me a lot. I was really beating myself up this evening because I went over my calorie budget. But, I’m realizing that it’s actually OK. No, it’s not a “who cares” “it doesn’t matter” OK that I went over my calorie budget. But, “it’s OK” that I went over today. Let’s look at reality:
Thursday: Calories: 1,671, NQ: F
Calorie-wise, yes, I went over my budgeted 1,200 calories. My NQ –, yeah, big fat F but I forgot to take my vitamin this morning and I can’t take it now or I won’t sleep. (Solution for that…I need to keep some extra vitamins in my bag — plus, one day won’t kill me.) But, back to the calories. Yes, I went over. Yes, I had more processed carbs than I like. Yes, I could have thrown last nights leftovers in the trash and eaten something else. But, if I’d done that I’d be feeling guilty for wasting the food. I’m not overeating on it…I’m eating a healthy portion of the pasta. At dinner, the two items that I ate that didn’t make me happy (pasta and potato salads) tasted really good and I only took a small portion so I could enjoy the taste but not pack on the punch from the them. The chicken I could have only eaten the one piece, and I probably should have. But, of all the things I could have over done that’s one I’m OK with.
So, no I’m not a quiter. I’m also not a loser. But, keep on this journey and you’re going to meet one BIG LOSER soon. 
