A little over seven years ago I started this blog. It’s been a journey, I can’t say it’s always been a good journey but it’s been a journey. I remember sitting in my apartment six years ago writing posts on my blog and here I am, seven years later and still the fat chick. A year ago I restarted this journey with a new motivation from my doctor — breast reduction!! You’d think that would have been motivation enough (and it was, for the first 30 pounds) but it’s still not enough. What is? But, I have made progress. I lost 30 pounds then met with the surgeon, who said I need to lose another 20 if I want the insurance company to pay for this — which isn’t really a question because the surgery won’t happen without them. Unfortunately, everything basically stopped there. I’m trying to keep myself positive — I am down two pant sizes, I haven’t really gained anything since I met the surgeon all those months ago. But, the weight loss — yeah, it’s stopped.
The other day I was looking back and times that I was motivated and successful to see if there was something else I could do to get myself back on track. I remembered this blog and that I actually liked journaling my story so I thought I’d try it again. I need to get some sort of routine going again, along with some accountability so here we are.
But, I have been going to the gym (you can stop the world — that shocks me to say that). I hired a personal trainer and even though he wants me going more I am there two days a week every week meeting with him. Most of the time it’s pure he’ll but I go willingly and I walk out proud of myself for having accomplished what I did so I consider that a win.
Anyway, I’m putting this out there. I’m going to do this. I’m going to make it happen. These TATAS have to go! So, I’m going to try the blogging route again. It helped before. I was able to vent and to share my successes with the interworld that supported me (and that I could block if I didn’t like what you have to say). So, here goes…..
Today, is a psychological day. I psychologically need to get back in the groove and figure myself out. So, I think I’ll take a nap (which is all I ever seem to do anyway) and then figure things out.
For the DietBet game I’m playing we had to turn in our official weigh-in pictures yesterday. It sucked because I was at a super high, 234, which was not a nice number to see. But, this morning I’m 232.6. New Year’s Eve I went to two parties and I didn’t go on a binge but I definitely didn’t watch what I ate so, I know yesterday’s number was off due to what I ate (especially the chips), the late night and the glasses of wine and champagne. But, it was still a little encouraging.
Today was a great day, I packed my lunch yesterday and that makes all the difference. I guess I should say I packed my breakfast, lunch and snacks. I felt like I ate the entire day but I only ate what was in my bag. I came home and packed tomorrow’s food first off and put a bunch of chicken breast in the oven. I find I’m most successful if everything is premade so, now I have chicken.
Right now I’m watching tv with the puppy on my lap. I’m not sure what I’m going to do when my puppy grows up, he’s becoming quite the lapdog but he’s going to be over 60#s full grown. Oh well, he’s calm on my lap.
Unfortunately, I’m also wanting to snack. I’m not hungry but I want something, namely chips. I could eat something (if I look at my calories consumed today) but I’m not going to because I’m not hungry. I guess I have to accept that is something I struggle with.
Posted from WordPress for Android
May not be a lot but I went to the grocery store and packed my breakfast/lunch/snacks for tomorrow. I did some soul searching and praying and thinking through my past the last few days and determined that low carb, specifically the South Beach diet are how I’m going to go. The last time I did SBD I did very well. I had a hard time in Ph1 but that’s to be expected, it’s getting through the initial addiction. Once I conquer that I’ll focus on healthy, clean eating, long term that’s what will work. But, for now, I need to get through this processed carb and sugar addiction, because, let’s face it that’s what it is.
So for the next two weeks the plan is low carb and water. I suck at drinking water but I will focus a lot of energy on 64 ounces (guess I need to figure out how much my water bottles hold).
As far as exercise, I’m going to be realistic right now and say I’m not going to do it. Now, before you scream let me explain. I’m going to focus on just the food and water intake and getting my house picked up. My house is a disaster. I’ll chock it up to this funk I’ve been in but I can’t take on too much at once so it’s food, water and dig out of the crap pit my house has become.
I also need some motivation and money does that for me. So, I joined a group on DietBet, it looks fun and I’m determined to win (heck, maybe this will bring in a little extra cash so I can buy some clothes).
I’m not going to lie, the past couple of years have been hell. I’ve struggled, a lot, and I really wish I could just get past the funk. Don’t get me wrong, every day hasn’t been hellish, there have been some good, but all-in-all pretty much hell on so many levels – physical, emotional, spiritual, professional, economical (are there any other “als” because probably those as well). I’ve been slowly attempting to work on some of these but at times it feels like 3 steps forward and 30 steps back. I am determined to work on the physical at this time and continue working on the spiritual. So, here I am once again overweight, unhealthy and unhappy. I can honestly say that the only time I successfully worked on my health was when I was consistent with this blog so I’m determined to see if it will help again.
I have some motivators at this time. I guess I’ll put them in writing.
1. I’m turning 40 in a little more than two months. I’m not happy about that but it’s a fact I can’t change.
2. I’m planning on seeing a friend I haven’t seen in probably twenty years in a little more than a month.
3. We’re having a 25 year Junior High School reunion (don’t ask) next summer and I kind of want to go.
4. Mostly, though, I’m just tired of feeling like shit.
So, there you have it. Hopefully I can look this thing in the eye, flip my nose at it and take back some control.
I’m not sure why but I feel fat today. I’ve let myself go, I don’t feel good I’m bloated and I feel like crud. I don’t know why I let myself get to this place again. I work so hard to lose and then it all comes back. I wish there was a magic pill or I could just snap my fingers and make it all go away. But I can’t. I need to do something about it but I’m not 100% motivated to do it. I’m discouraged. So much has changed in my life (job, pets, house, etc.) but my motivation and determination to take care of me hasn’t.
Hmm…I think I need to think on this. This blog helped me before, maybe it can help me again. Let’s see.